becoming a better lover

So often, I meet a potential client who tells me they want to learn to be a better lover. They want to sign up to learn the tips, tricks and techniques that will give their partners multiple exploding ejaculating mind-blowing orgasms. They think the way to everlasting happiness is selfless giving in the bedroom.

And when I tell them the best way to learn how to give pleasurable touch is to learn how to receive it, they don’t believe me. “No, no!” they tell me. “I’m not selfish. Selfish is bad. It’s all about them. It’s better to give than to receive”.

Hogwash! You can’t give pleasure until you know what pleasure really is. Do you know pleasure? Can you admit that you desire pleasure?

Desire. Such a dirty word. Shame on you for wanting, especially wanting pleasure for yourself.

Excuse me? Why shouldn’t we want pleasure? No one wants anything in this world for any reason except that they think they will feel better for having it. A better job, a lover, a cup of coffee and a cheeseburger, warm socks. Desire is what gets us up in the morning. Desire is what creates worlds with round wheels and flying machines and instant messaging. Somebody wanted it, desired it, created it.

So. Desire is good. Your desire is good, necessary, natural. Your desire for pleasure is good, necessary, natural.

Now, imagine you have a lover who knows their desires and revels in the deliciousness of their body. Who is open and responsive to your touch. Who joyously celebrates all the delicious sensations you create together and shares their delight with you. Imagine how turned on and sexy and free you would feel to play with this person.

That’s the lover you want to be. And the first step is to open to your own pleasure. What do you like? How do you like it? Can you surrender to your pleasure? Embrace it? Taste your desires and trust that you are worthy of them

I bet you can.